New Vice article up where I describe my panic attack during last night’s election.
Watch the Spreecast of last night’s reading by clicking the above photo of Phantom Bangs’s epic performance.
Reading tonight at the Last Bookstore in Downtown Los Angeles. Featuring music from Phantom Bangs. <3 u all.
SAMO: How to Potty Train Your Cat
Owning a pet in an urban environment is a complicated proposition, fraught with peril. The problem of caring for a dog in a city is well-documented. Where will you take it for walks? If it defecates on the sidewalk, are you going to pick it up or flaunt the law (and common decency) and leave it…
SAMO: Where to Live if You Are An Artist in Your 20s
If you are a forward-thinking, progressive, artistically minded individual in your early 20s looking for a place to ply your trade in the United States, your options are decidedly limited. Smaller cities like Seattle, San Francisco and Austin have plenty of culture, but they lack industry. The…
Jennifer Lawrence or Malin Ackerman?
I am starting a lit blog. This is the first piece I’ve written for it. Please read and enjoy. Share with your friends. Submit writing/art/photos/social security numbers.
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An old Yale chum named Barrington e-mailed Martin. ‘Chum’ was Barrington’s word, a salvo of irony meant to convey both congeniality and recognition of shared elitist satisfaction. Martin had not seen Barrington for years. Their last encounter was a series of hurried utterances whilst Martin packed his lonely suitcase on his way to Los Angeles. Very little was kept between them, save for a sense that all they had paid for in the last four years was symbolic, rather than meaningful.
“Hey chum, heard things are rolling forward with you in LA. Marjorie said she caught wind of you acting a smidge. Is this true? If so, how would one place themselves in a position to gain access to show business? My steady woman has intimations of talent, and has been pestering me rather incessantly about leaning on my prodigious contacts from our school days. I don’t mean to be forward, but if there is anything you can do to help her advance her standing in preparation for our move westward, I’d be very appreciative. By the by, my father is quite well. He’s currently recovering from a bypass surgery and speaks of you often. He’d be eager to share a round or two with you in Maine when the weather is appropriate. Looking forward to hearing from you, chum. Yours, Barrington.”
Martin scanned the timestamp on the e-mail. It read ‘3:45 AM.’ “I’m glad I’m not ugly yet,” he thought. He took an aggressive pull from his cocktail and set about to compose his response.
“Barrington, glad to hear your father is well. I’m taking a break from work at the moment, but I’d be happy to introduce your girlfriend to my old acting teacher. Maybe we can get together when you make it to town. Martin.”
Martin sent the e-mail off and hoped it would be the end of his correspondence. He did not so much hate Barrington, as he did not relish the need to recall the years they spent together. He poured himself another drink and counted the number of gray hairs in his latent beard growth.
Some moments later, a response came.
“Great to hear that you can assist! Steph and I are in West Hollywood for an alumni event at the Soho House tomorrow night. If it’s anything like the New York location, it should be a fairly posh affair. Perhaps you can join us and we can discuss next steps.”
True to form, Barrington’s machinations were transparent, but effective. Martin’s previous willingness to offer help, combined with Barrington’s very real presence in Los Angeles meant that he must oblige. Arrangements would need to be made. The cigarette smoke would have to be dry cleaned out of Martin’s threadbare blazer. He was resigned to once again perfecting the affected smile, firm handshake and approving glance. He painted a winged dog flying over Dresden, dropping bombs onto helpless Germans. Some of the Germans were committed Nazis, but most were just average citizens. The monstrous canine made no distinctions as it expelled fire onto the pathetic beings below.
(Source: samomagazine)
http://lastbookstorela.com/ai1ec_event/an-evening-with-thought-catalogue/?instance_id=
http://www.facebook.com/events/303475636397422/
Poster by Megan Koester
Hi, new Tumblr followers. I do stand-up comedy.
I Want to Date You Online: Update #5 - ‘Elizabeth’
‘hey.’
Mon, Feb 20, 2012 at 2:25 PM
so how many of these have you got, mister?
Mon, Feb 20, 2012 at 2:26 PM
How many ‘girls e-mailing me’?
Mon, Feb 20, 2012 at 2:31 PM
Girls yes though I suppose some boys could have to.
Mon, Feb 20, 2012 at 2:31 PM
It started around 20 and has dwindled down to a core of about 5-7. There was a girl who asked for my phone number and was texting me for awhile, but she didn’t have a whole lot to say so that petered out.
Mon, Feb 20, 2012 at 2:41 PM
That is a pretty good percentage I suppose. I judge people so much on their texting. I will not text someone who uses u or y as words just no.
Mon, Feb 20, 2012 at 2:47 PM
She actually texted me her photo. No one else has been that brazen about showing me what they look like.
Mon, Feb 20, 2012 at 2:52 PM
You said there were no requirements for looks so guess they figure you can use your imagination sometimes that is more fun. I will be brazen [LINK OMITTED] if that even works since it is a password protected one otherwise just guess.
Mon, Feb 20, 2012 at 2:53 PM
Ha, it worked. You’re in luck.
Mon, Feb 20, 2012 at 2:55 PM
That does not seem like a very good reception, ha. Better than falling for someone and then seeing their picture and not even being attracted at all, but suppose if it was real you would be.
Mon, Feb 20, 2012 at 2:56 PM
Hey, I didn’t make any judgment about your photo. I just said the link worked. You might be reading into it a bit. ;)
Mon, Feb 20, 2012 at 3:00 PM
Oh I know if I wanted a response I could have been like so wat u think?! I can’t even come up with a good question for that requires too much thinking. Now I’m pretty sure I’m making no sense, oops.
Mon, Feb 20, 2012 at 3:02 PM
It’s OK. You make sense. You’re a very pretty woman.
Mon, Feb 20, 2012 at 3:04 PM
Now it just seems like I was fishing for a compliment goodness gracious. Okay, assuming you watch tv what are you going to watch tonight?
Mon, Feb 20, 2012 at 3:08 PM
Not a big TV guy, to be honest. I do watch a lot of news and basketball, so I will likely watch MSNBC for a few hours, then there the Chicago Bulls and Atlanta Hawks game on ESPN.
Mon, Feb 20, 2012 at 3:10 PM
If only I could get away from the addiction of reality tv and be more like you.
Mon, Feb 20, 2012 at 3:11 PM
I had a period of time where my girlfriend and I would watch America’s Next Top Model and The Bachelor every week, so I’ve been there.
Mon, Feb 20, 2012 at 3:14 PM
I never watched the bachelor before this season and I’ve only seen one episode of this season all the way and the one girl is just so horrible. Ladies at work keep me updated since the voice is on at the same time and I prefer that. My roommate just got home and pretty sure she has fast food with her the smell is wafting up to my room.
Mon, Feb 20, 2012 at 3:14 PM
The smell of fast food is the most insidious thing about it.
Mon, Feb 20, 2012 at 3:19 PM
It’s probably Culvers which I’m not a big fan of, but I could go for a five dollar footlong. I’m not going to get presentable looking to go out for that though. Oh though I just remembered this town has drive thrus for subway so strange.
Mon, Feb 20, 2012 at 3:21 PM
DRIVE THRU SUBWAY?! WHAT MANNER OF WITCHCRAFT IS THIS?
Mon, Feb 20, 2012 at 3:23 PM
I KNOW. I moved states like five months ago and I just kept texting everyone that they have drive thru subways here like I just stare in awe when I pass it. I have yet to actually go through the drive thru though since it still boggles my mind too much.
Mon, Feb 20, 2012 at 3:24 PM
California has drive-thru Starbucks, which are quite neat, I think.
Mon, Feb 20, 2012 at 3:26 PM
Now that I do not find neat since I’ve always seen those around. This town doesn’t have a Starbucks, but if you drive two towns away there is a drive thru one there.
Mon, Feb 20, 2012 at 3:28 PM
Hmmm…interesting. Where do you live?
Mon, Feb 20, 2012 at 3:32 PM
For the past five months and for another five months it will be Spam Town, USA, ha but if for some reason you don’t know off the top of your head where that is located it’s in Minnesota. I’m originally from Illinois though and have yet to decide where I want to head to next and this is a bit of a ramble. How about yourself?
Mon, Feb 20, 2012 at 3:32 PM
I live in Los Angeles.
Mon, Feb 20, 2012 at 3:34 PM
I’ve heard that’s a pretty decent place to live. That was on my list before I ended up here.
Mon, Feb 20, 2012 at 3:34 PM
I like it quite a bit.
Mon, Feb 20, 2012 at 3:36 PM
Good to like the place you’re living.
Mon, Feb 20, 2012 at 3:40 PM
It definitely is. I’d prefer some other places, but LA is good enough for now.
Mon, Feb 20, 2012 at 3:41 PM
Where would you like to be?
Mon, Feb 20, 2012 at 3:43 PM
New York or London.
Mon, Feb 20, 2012 at 3:49 PM
New York just seems so huge and intimidating to me for some reason.
Mon, Feb 20, 2012 at 5:34 PM
I felt that way about LA until I spent some time here.
Mon, Feb 20, 2012 at 5:46 PM
Seems overwhelming, but at same time could get lost in the crowd.
Wed, Feb 22, 2012 at 10:32 AM
It’s very easy to be alone in LA, because it’s so disconnected.
Wed, Feb 22, 2012 at 2:49 PM
I wouldn’t mind being alone.
Wed, Feb 22, 2012 at 6:22 PM
Same here. I mean, I started a search for an ‘online-only girlfriend,’ so I clearly have some innate desire for solitude.
Wed, Feb 22, 2012 at 6:22 PM
Eh I was just going to ignore that part, ha. I am so much more relaxed alone well I do have a roommate who I speak to maybe one hour an entire week and truthfully get kind of scared when I’m alone at night. Otherwise just let me be crafty and go to the library.
Fri, Feb 24, 2012 at 3:30 PM
The library is great, but it’s full of people reading books, and books are almost uniformly about people. It’s interesting that human beings look to fiction as their escape, because without the completely tragic/comic nature of reality, we’d have nothing to write about. Moby Dick isn’t really about a whale, after all.
I guess what I’m saying is that maybe I’m wrong about all of this and we need to go out and live a little bit, even if we don’t want to.
