Wed, Feb 15, 2012 at 5:28 PM
You: looking for someone on the internet to not have sex with, yet find a
long term meaningful relationship.
Me: not really into sex. Maybe. That might change. For the sake of what
could be this relationship, I hope it doesn’t. Definitely into long term.
Me: somehow have become covered in paint as my friend Annie paints a zombie
You: laughing at the idea of a zombie Totoro. Or at least amused. Maybe you
would like me to paint one for you and send you a picture.
You: presumably having regular features like elbows and atriums and the
You: should read a lot and blow of things that are not reading related to
read some more.
Me: likes to read with feet in the air or upside down or just generally how
the hell ever.
You: going to respond to this email.
Me: going to be surprised if it actually happens. But maybe not.
Wed, Feb 15, 2012 at 5:35 PM
You: Pleasantly surprised…I hope.
Wed, Feb 15, 2012 at 7:11 PM
Me: slightly incredulous look, followed by shock of nearly dropping a bag of almonds.
You: a fan of almonds.
Me: not really caring how much you like almonds. Also curious as to what’s up, how’s life, do you like tea?
Wed, Feb 15, 2012 at 8:09 PM
Me: Tired after work, but looking forward to composing this e-mail. Also craving almonds.
You: Staying up later than usual for no discernable reason. Possibly studying, since you have a .edu e-mail address.
Me: loving tea, especially English breakfast and black tea. Also, doing a lot of writing, reading back issues of the New Yorker and doing stand-up comedy in Los Angeles.
You: Composing a response.
Wed, Feb 15, 2012 at 8:14 PM
Me: mooching “Rooibis Tropical” tea off my friend’s fancy new Teavana collection.
You: curious as to the proper spelling of rooibis, mainly because it sounds like an infection out of context.
Me: trying to ignore a large paper assigned by a professor who bears a striking resemblance to Raffiki while staring at downtown Ann Arbor.
You: Fondly remembering your college years.
Me: in hell.
Wed, Feb 15, 2012 at 8:21 PM (Cont.)
Me: horrified to discover my 19 year old friend is pregnant with twins.
Wed, Feb 15, 2012 at 8:22 PM
Me: Horrified whenever someone that young bears children, especially 2 at once.
You: Also still horrified.
Me: Perplexed by how exotic your tea choices are, but willing to learn.
You: Relieved that I am not a snob.
Me: Definitely missing college. Also, considering going back for grad school.
Wed, Feb 15, 2012 at 8:27 PM
Me: relieved that I am not pregnant with one or two fetuses, and managed to skip what would undoubtably have been the tackiest baby shower ever.
You: impressed, and now curious, as to how I skipped a baby shower.
Me: smug in my stealth tactics and tea preferences, but still not a snob.
You: Now missing college and the days when housing/food/toilet paper was provided and presumably decent.
Me: unsure of the general future, but hey, grad school sound comfy.
Wed, Feb 15, 2012 at 10:10 PM
Me: Thinking about how much I hate baby showers.
You: Silently agreeing.
Me: Not thinking about tea anymore. Considering having wine to try to stimulate sleep.
You: Probably not thinking about alcohol of any sort.
Me: Always unsure of the future.
You: Sure that I will continue responding to your e-mails.
Wed, Feb 15, 2012 at 10:45 PM
Me: slightly dazed from falling asleep on a sofa arm (regrettably made of wood and not clouds or marshmallows)
You: agreeing that marshmallow sofas would be delicious
Me: not thinking of any alcohol. Although mimosas would be delicious to wake up to, assuming I was also waking up in Puerto Vallarta.
You: hurriedly perusing kayak.com for cheap tickets to Mexico.
Me: bemused that a stranger would actually respond to another stranger’s email. What are you, a hippie?
Wed, Feb 15, 2012 at 11:15 PM
Me: Just returned from the grocery store. Also, cold.
You: Tempting me to eat my furniture.
Me: Probably going to fall asleep before I can even drink. Also, budgeting for a trip.
You: Picking out a wardrobe for Mexico
Me: Not a hippie. Simply a guy who appreciates making a connection.
Wed, Feb 15, 2012 at 11:22 PM
Me: offering a digital blanket.
You: dismayed to learn how much digital blankets cost and how cold they actually are.
Me: very tempted.
You: Wearing a sombrero.
Me: drowsily scanning flights to Mongolia based on layover time in Korea. Also learning Mongolian. Also learning Cyrillic because Russians are evil invading Soviet jerks.
You: in drowsy agreement.
Wed, Feb 15, 2012 at 11:25 PM
Good night. :)